Bullying: A Rite of Passage?

As I ordered the class books for my recent course on Digital Citizenship, I balked at one of the titles on bullying, thinking that I knew all I needed to about bullying. I went to school, I was a victim and at one point an aggressor. What more can be said, could I maybe save myself a few bucks? I’m glad I purchased it because to be honest we as educators, parents or even just adults often romanticize our past or even worse we tend to forget that you never step in the same river twice.

Bullying was defined by the CDC in 2014 as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or groups of youths...that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. Bullying may inflict harm or distress on the targeted youth including physical, psychological, social or educational harm” (Hinduja 2015).

As I read about the definitions of traditional and new age bullying I couldn’t help but have the thought that all of this is just a “rite of passage”. However, as I kept reading, Hinduja (2015) goes on to discuss the purpose of his latest book on Bullying which is to educate parents and teachers because if we can help prevent or reduce the harm to those being bullied then it is worth the effort. And that really resonated with me. I was immediately transported back to my own middle school days when I was the target of bullying by the kids a grade above me. I never understood why and often times that is unimportant, but I do recall being told I smelled. Now a lot of that stemmed from my unusual last name of Yoder which had a Dr. Suess connection to odor. That became my new name in the locker room before and after basketball practice. Then I recall one day even seeing etched in a desk “Oder is Gay”...I couldn’t beleive someone cared enough to take the time to etch that into a desk...what could I possible have done to deserve such a monument. I do recall even confronting one of the aggressors in an outside environment and he continued to tell me it was because I smelled. Thus I carried numerous amounts of deodorant at all times. Eventually it all subsided and became a distant memory. But it definitely had a lasting effect since I can recall vividly some of those issues. I do recall that it never occurred to me to tell an adult.

As I think about today’s world, I can’t use that same lens of its just a “rite of passage’ because the game has changed. With the advent of technology, bullying has evolved. As Hinduja (2015) noted it no longer needs to be about a power imbalance. And often it's about how well the aggressor can navigate technology to cover up their tracks. I can’t imagine how much more distress I would have been under if social media or anything beyond a beeper were at our fingertips. I could easily walk a different way to class or avoid the locker room, but what if the locker room and the talk had a way of reaching beyond the 20 of us on the team or in my class? I would have been mortified. I already had a disposition for depression and anxiety and that could have exacerbated it to monumental proportions.

Today’s youth deserve to be protected and we as adults need to inundated ourselves into their digital lives and better understand the social structure so that we can help them navigate these waters. They need guidance and structure and often times we consider tech just toys, but they have the potential to be weapons of social destruction that have taken lives and continue to do so. The wounds are not easily seen and the isolation can make them virtually unseen until it is too late. We as adults sometimes become the bystanders who don’t speak up...we close our eyes and adopt a don’t ask don’t tell policy inadvertently and in direct violation to what we would say is our intention. How much do you know about the youth in your life and their online interactions? How many social media apps can you name? When is the last time you had a conversation with a young person and it involved discussions on issues they face socially? Find someone in your life that can help educate you on today’s social structure. If you have kids, it may not be them. You may need to find someone with whom you are not directly responsible for. But try to make a real connection. Let them know you need an education that only they can give you. Be sure to withhold you judgements and open your ears.



Reference

Ansary, N. S., Elias, M. J., Greene, M. B., & Green, S. (2015). Best practices to address or reduce bullying in schools. Kappan, 97(2), 30-35. Ansary_Elias_Greene_Green_Bullying.pdf

Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J. W. (2015). Bullying beyond the schoolyard preventing and responding to cyberbullying. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin.